I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You left your phone here
Wait...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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