I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
