I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
