Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
