i just wanna soil my oats bro
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize