There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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