Walk of Shame. In a state park.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
