He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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