Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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