ya dads aren't the best wingmen
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
40s are totally the cure
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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