I accidentally had phone sex last night
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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