Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
