Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
