when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
