That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
