i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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