I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
