Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
