he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
