but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
