don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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