Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
