My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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