he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
whose parrot is this?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
