Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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