OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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