Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
