OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
