Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's official drugs can't kill me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
