Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
