And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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