mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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