Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She's the barista slut.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
