sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
