I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize