remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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