if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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