It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
