New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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