Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
