Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
