Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
