Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
