i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think my fart just growled at me.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
