Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
