Sorry, I don't speak sober.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
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