nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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