is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
