break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize