And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
