How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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