Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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