i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
