worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
