Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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