mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
