you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
