I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
