I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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