I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
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