there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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