Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
