Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
