Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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