and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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