how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize