you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
