So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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