I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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