I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
