Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
